Teacher: "Needs Improvement"

I know this is not the most uplifting first post to make, but it fits my purpose.  My goal in creating and writing this blog is to have a no nonsense, straight from the horse's mouth, [insert another dead, cliched metaphor] perspective on the life of a full-time teacher.  And sometimes it's a lot tougher than any grad class or after school special will tell you.  Tonight is one of those nights.

In this snow-ridden month of February (we have had exactly 6.5 days of school out of a possible 12), I had my freshmen watch the film O Brother, Where Art Thou? as a final assessment to our unit on the Odyssey.  Now, you have to understand that we have been studying this epic poem since Thanksgiving, so I, much like Odysseus, just want to get on with it.  However, I find showing them this film is a great finale to the unit, demonstrating that this poem still has lingering inspirations and affect on our modern culture.  Unlike past years where I have simple used this as a discussion, I changed our final writing assignment to incorporate the film.  I gave the students a graphic organizer to compare some elements found in the film to the ones in the poem, and then the prompt was, I assumed, simple enough: How effective is the film O Brother, Where Art Thou? as a contemporized retelling of The Odyssey?  I then proceeded to give my students a day to discuss in their groups different approaches, and a few nights to right the first draft.  I assumed that everything was clear and were all on the same page.

But I forgot the old saying about assuming.  And now I am sitting here, a big ol' ass.

It's clear to me that my assignment was not calibrated right, that there was something lost in translation.  Perhaps too, the assignment just didn't resonate with them.  Even though I showed a more modern film, they just didn't connect.  It wasn't good enough.

And that is the feeling, as a teacher, that's hard to shake.  I wake up each morning with this constant want to do better and to give more of myself to my students.  I am constantly trying new things and planning, re-planning, and planning some more.  I read, regularly, different techniques, pedagogical (god, I hate that word) approaches to developing my craft.  But even then, on nights like tonight, it's just not good enough.

I've always been a perfectionist.  It has served me well throughout my life.  (Although, my therapy bill may say otherwise).  But I have learned over the years that his quality does not serve my students well.  I am not saying that I don't give my best or that I don't expend an obscene amount of energy for my kids, but perfection is an unrealistic, unattainable reality.  To stress over it is simply rocking in a chair when you trying to get to the store.

I've heard people say that as a teacher, we must be the "sage on the stage" and I am telling you all out there, it's crap.  The best thing you can be to your students is imperfect, needs improvement.  Because if they see you for that and not some unreachable person, it humanizes you.  And that means something to them.

So, we are heading back to the drawing board with this essay.  And just like that damn Greek who had to hit rock bottom before becoming a more human figure, I guess I'll do the same tomorrow.